testimony.

well i needed a link on my tumblr so why not blog about it on tumblr. 

this is my story, this is my testimony.

be aware that throughout my life i was extremely suicidal. i didn’t tell anyone at all. if you were to ask any of my friends now, they would think you were crazy! they’d say, “sabrina? why she is the happiest girl alive?” ahhhh, see that is what i wanted to look like. i tried to commit suicide one night, obviously unsuccessfully, and my mother somehow found out and sent me to a mental institution. after that night i recollected that i always knew in my heart Jesus was my Savior. just as the bible says, it is written on your heart.. and indeed it is.

 

to be able to understand my testimony, you have to understand my parent’s characterizes. i didn’t have good parents.. they had some defects, you know? they didn’t ask me if i brushed my teeth, they didn’t help me with my homework, or come to my soccer games.. i mean i remember getting awards and my parents weren’t there to cheer me on, but my friend’s parents were. my mother was an alcoholic up until about august 2011 (yeah, not too long ago at all!).. i remember her being drunk as early as i can remember. my very first memory of her is being drunk. she was and still is the boss in my parent’s relationship. whatever she wants, she gets. she is a stay at home mom who watches movies all day, literally. my dad did do drugs.. he still does, just not as much because he finally is accepting God (PRAISE GOD!). he works pretty much all the time. from like six in the morning until six at night. he gets home, eats, then sleeps. he does try his best to my father. i know he really loves me, but he is honestly an awkward type of person. he doesn’t know how to express a lot of things. they are both good people.. i’m making them sound bad, but they have their pasts that got them where they are now and i’ll be understanding and forgiving about it. so, this is where my story begins.

 

i remember.. i was extremely young. i didn’t get along with my mother.. even at the age of six and i didn’t see my father a whole lot. i lived in a really small town called pahrump. i didn’t have a lot of friends growing up until middle school. so when i was younger, i didn’t really feel loved. i was bullied.. not much of a good childhood experience.

 

one of my mother’s friends daughter, tianna carthew, was a person who knew me before i could even speak. she watched me for mom sometimes. she would swim with me, play barbies with me, listen to my crazy stories, comfort me when i had nightmares, but mainly.. she loved me. i remember the first day she asked if i wanted to go to church with her. she taught me how to pray after the service. i went to this church from six until i was thirteen. i loved this church. i would go there by myself every sunday and friday. they loved me, they cared about me. i was still really young and learning, but man, i knew they loved me. the thing i didn’t feel from anyone else growing up. they taught me that Jesus loved me. they showed me how Jesus changes lives.

 

when i was only thirteen, i moved out of my parent’s. can you even believe that? like that’s crazy to me. on mother’s day, all the kid’s in my church had their moms and dads with them. my younger sister and i didn’t. we just sat there and watched everyone else love on each other.. this girl (by which is one of my closest friends), chelsea taylor may moore poe, just moved into town with her grandparents. they served at the church for a while so i knew them. chelsea came up to me and asked me why my mom wasn’t there. i didn’t tell her the truth because i was ashamed. i said she didn’t want to come because she wasn’t feeling good. she took me to go meet her mom, crystal. wow, she is great. crystal ended up adopting me. my parents handed over every right they had to her. it kind of shows you how much my mother doesn’t care. i would never hand rights to another women.. especially stranger. in result, i moved to las vegas, nevada. i lived with her for a while until i couldn’t stand crystal anymore. since my parents didn’t care what i did growing up and i had no rules.. crystal was really hard on me. i became more depressed than i was before. by the way, i’m bipolar. so this had some influence on the situations, but i couldn’t do it anymore. i tried to explain this to her and we both decided i should live with my sister on the other side of vegas.

 

i moved into my sister’s house. which was the perfect medium for me for about a year. rules and freedom. her husband and i didn’t get along so he told me to move out. i stayed with my christian friend katie a lot, but honestly.. at age fifteen, i grew up too fast because i had to take care of myself. i was partying and going to raves. at age fifteen i have seen every drug that exists on this planet. not even kidding. my life was falling apart more and more. i tried to comfort myself with things like parties.

there was one experience that i will always remember. my best friend ashley and my friend deanna were playing with a ouija board on march 2, 2009. i woke up with blood scratches all over my legs. so i knew demons were real. i’ve had so many experiences. that one always came to mind when bad things happened.

then i thought about Jesus and everything my old church taught me. so i turned my life to Him when things got really hard. i was living on complete faith. not knowing where i was going, what i was going to eat, not knowing anything. this is how my real relationship with Christ began. i went to this church down the street from katie’s house and went to a bible study with this christian band, the forerunner. they are the ones who turned my life around. they were great examples of christians. they poured so much out into me and really spiritually moved me. after two months of going to bible study with them, i got baptized and was born again. after living in las vegas for a while, my mother called me one day and said she was moving to texas with my younger sister and father. she asked me if i wanted to go with them and i said yes.. i honestly didn’t know how much longer i could do it on my own without a job. i lived on complete faith for a year! i would go some days eating nothing. i stayed about 50 different houses. i saw so many miracles happen. now for texas, i’m here following Christ and carrying my cross. Jesus saved me from a sinful life in las vegas of drugs. i had an extremely deceitful heart and lying tongue. this was because i wanted love! i thought i could have it in other outlets and i lied to make people love me. i wanted them to think i was great or something.. which never worked out anyways. so praise God i’m set free. one day i’ll be able to help someone else out who i felt like i did. i learned that God gave me my parents for a reason. i have learned a lot from them and i’ve learned a lot about the “high life.” it isn’t so great after all. Jesus is the way. amen.